Staff Blog from Rachel Crabtree
My name is Rachel Crabtree, and I have been with The WellHouse for about three years! Part of my duties allow me to work with both the women and children in individual therapy as well as group therapy settings. I am currently leading a group in the adult program using the book “Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are” by Lysa Terkeurst. Although we are early in our study, the women are already learning that setting boundaries is not unkind or unchristian. They are also boldly acknowledging the ways boundaries (or a lack thereof) have impacted their personal stories and expressing a desire to set effective boundaries without undue guilt. With WellHouse Child, we are going through a 12-week DBT workbook designed to teach practical skills to help regain (and maintain) emotional stability.
Holidays can be a time of great joy, gratitude, and fellowship; however, for a lot of our women and children it can also trigger feelings of loneliness, loss, guilt, sadness, fear, and shame. Because of this, a lot of the work I am doing with my individual clients as well as in group therapy has focused on learning and practicing coping skills that can help get through difficult seasons. Healing is never linear and oftentimes the holiday season will remind us that we need to step away from processing through our trauma for a time and focus our attention on reestablishing our sense of safety and security – within ourselves and the environment around us.
A practical tool I am teaching through the “DBT” (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) group with WellHouse Child that can also be used by anyone reading this blog is distraction. Distraction is a skill taught in DBT that acknowledges some situations can’t change immediately, such as being at The WellHouse and away from loved ones, but by using distraction we can change the way we feel. Distraction is different than avoidance in that the goal is not to push the distress away and pretend it doesn’t exist, rather we utilize various options that help us get distance from the distressing feelings and come back to them when we are in a better mindset. So, we are not responding to distressing feelings as soon as they arise. Distraction uses the acronym ACCEPTS to help individuals remember options they have for gaining emotional distance.
A – Activities. Some activities we encourage at The WellHouse are walking, exercising, getting a task done, listening to music, playing cards or other games with other housemates, reading a book, or making a favorite meal.
C – Contributing. Residents can engage in contributing by doing something nice for their housemates and/or staff, doing something thoughtful, finding a way to be a support to someone else, and even cleaning out their closets to donate to other housemates or back to the clothing closet (yes, please!)
C – Comparisons. Often it can be helpful to compare our current situation to other people who may be going through something similar, compare our current situation with past situations, read about testimonies of other people who have gone through similar situations and how they overcame their difficulties, and talk to peers going through similar difficult emotions. Validation can work wonders in reducing an individual’s emotional reactivity.
E – Emotions. Emotions involve engaging in any activity that will produce an opposite emotion. So, if someone is struggling with extreme sadness and isolation, we would recommend they engage in activities that induce happy and inclusive feelings. This could include listening to upbeat music, watching a funny movie with the larger group, and refraining from spending time alone in individual rooms.
P – Push Away. Sometimes pushing away is making the conscious decision to say “no,” “stop,” or “not now” to the ruminating thoughts that cause distress.
T – Thoughts. Thoughts may be managed by controlling what we allow into our minds. Exposing ourselves to scripture that empowers us to control our thoughts is a wonderful way to manage thoughts. “…we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5
S – Sensations. Sensations allow us to use our 5 senses to distract from emotional distress. This could include taking a hot or cold shower, using our favorite perfume or lotion, enjoying a hot cup of coffee or tea with our favorite coffee creamer, looking at nature, listening to calming music, engaging in guided meditation, and wrapping up with a cozy blanket.
Though the abovementioned skill gives us many options for managing our distress, I am gently reminded of the beautiful hymn that gives us the greatest skill of all – “Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face. And the things of Earth grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.” Thank you, Jesus, for ALWAYS being the way through!